Sunday, November 12, 2006

Cheese is the Devil's plaything

Absence makes the heart grow fonder. Familiarity breeds contempt. Well, apparently it has been copulating like promiscuous rabbits and so far the only fondness I’ve encountered is for the absence. Ample time was provided to alter heinous ways… yet still nothing.
Time passed. I received a pair of fuzzy bunny slippers. Unmanly. Childish. I love ‘em.

Religious propaganda delivered to my door with a handshake and a smile. Bored, I perused the pages:

Are we living in "The Last Days"? Bah. Of course we are.

Did God use evolution to create life? What mad heretic was permitted to pose this question?

Intrigued as to how they intended to end the whole Creationism/Evolutionary debate I read on.

Perhaps Adam and Eve was a story meant to teach a moral lesson and not intended to be taken literally. Oh my. I do think perhaps the religious community is on to something here. Perhaps if they applied the same logic to the rest of the text there is hope for them yet.

Keep reading.

Oh. Not possible.

It appears taking Adam and Eve out of the historical equation fucks with Jesus’ whole family tree. The family tree is, of course, sacrosanct. Thus there is no reason to believe in evolution.

It continued on for a few more pages, but I must say I lost interest somewhere about the time it began to argue that the length of each "day" it took to create the world was not, in fact, a literal twenty-four hour period, but a metaphor for the period of time… blah blah blah.

Sweet, stolen water - A metaphor for forbidden love.

Bridle thy tongue. Put away malicious bitterness, anger, and wrath.

But then what an empty husk I would be.

Wait ‘till the Saints win the Super-Bowl, then we’ll talk about faith.

As a honeycomb the lips of a strange woman keep dripping and her palate is smoother than oil. But the after-effect is as bitter as wormwood; it as sharp as a two-edged sword.

Idiots. It was the wormwood in the Absinthe that led me to the lips of the strange woman to begin with.

Call together the Sanhedrin. Let us discuss this. Or Politics. Or Money. I've got time to kill until the next soul saving issue is released.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is a saying that used to be well-known, common enough to be cliche at one point, and it was over-done in it's time to be sure. The phrase goes thusly: "Familiarity breeds contempt; and children". He neglected to mentioned the possibility of contemptable children, but so it goes.

8:40 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

not too sure how Mark Twain would have handled the Joe Hoes you are remenicing about, but Emberto Eco's book In the Name of the Rose deals mainly with ungodly-horny monks pissing away their under-nourished lives debating wether or not Jesus chuckled every now and then. Probably.

10:57 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

not too sure how Mark Twain would have handled the Joe Hoes you are remenicing about, but Emberto Eco's book In the Name of the Rose deals mainly with ungodly-horny monks pissing away their under-nourished lives debating wether or not Jesus chuckled every now and then. Probably.

11:00 PM  
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